"Every child born into the world is a new thought of God, an ever fresh and radiant possibility."  -K.D.W.



   My little Jocelyn is three months old.  I can hardly believe how fast it's flown by!  But of course that is a tired cliche, and has been said a thousand times before.  Cliche or not, I feel like I have grown more, learned more, felt more, and experienced more, in the last three months, than quite possibly my entire life.  Is that possible, or is it hormones?  In any case, here are some things I've learned:

• As far as labor is concerned, the human body is capable of the most amazing, incredible things.  The fact that we can actually endure that level of pain without shattering makes me sort of morbidly curious as to what it would take to cause a person to die of pain, and nothing else.  You know, with everything else working just fine--heart, brain, lungs, etc.  No other problem whatsoever, except pain.  I'm just sort of curious as to when the body would say, "Enough!" and die.   

• You can admire, adore, and like babies, even think you love a few.  But nothing can prepare you--not the sappy, sweet books, movies, or songs, not even other people's experiences--for the cascading, overflowing, stampeding emotions of fierce love you will have for your OWN child.  There is nothing on this earth like experiencing it first-hand, for the first time. 

• My parents really DID know a thing or two. :)  It's amazing how suddenly, the sacrifices they made for me seem so astounding.  And it's also funny how I do not even want to entertain the idea of Jocelyn marrying someone 2,000 miles away from me, even though that is exactly what I did.  

• It is very true that life changes after children, but I think it is a  complete myth that marriage has to suffer.  I think Jocelyn has brought Randy and I even closer together.

• I honestly expected the whole "new mommy" thing to be worse.  I expected to want to get away, and just CRAVE breaks from her, every day.  I thought I'd go stir-crazy being home all the time.  I thought I'd miss my B.C. identity (Before Child) and grow tired of the new "mommy" me.  It's just not that way at all.  Don't get me wrong, it is nice when Randy takes her for a walk or a drive and I have some alone time of peace and quiet, but I think about her, and miss her, and it's always a little sad to see her go. 

• The "new body" won't ruin your life.  Don't get me wrong, I can't wait until all the baby fat is gone, but when I look at myself in the mirror (on my good days) there is a profound sense of accomplishment.  When I think of the changes I went through in order to give life to this child, and how some women's bodies aren't able to go through those changes, I start to change my view of those changes as an obstacle or trial, into a privilege, or even blessing. 

   All in all, having a baby WILL change you.  There is just no way around that, unless you are not from the planet I'm from.   Physically, emotionally, spiritually, mentally, it will change you.  It will change you to your very core, ready or not.  It will change the way you perceive things, the way you feel.  It will change the way you look at life, the way you want to live.  It will change what inspires you, what gives you hope, what drives you, what gives you courage.  It would be easier to say what it won't change, and that would be very, very little. 
   
But really, would you want it any other way? 

   Where would you be if you'd never changed?  That whiny, selfish toddler? That rebellious, irresponsible teenager?  That brooding, moody 20-something?  Thank-you Lord for change!  And thank-you Jocelyn, for changing me in more ways that you'll ever know.  

Happy 3-month milestone love, can't wait to see many more.

   No pictures today, but I promise there will be pictures tomorrow!  I am going to dress Jocelyn up and take lots of pictures to commemorate a special milestone...she is three months old.  How did this happen?  I don't know, but it did, so we shall take pictures.  But today I just did not get around to it.  She was fussy today and not taking good naps, so I just made an executive decision to save us all a little drama and not go for the full-on photo shoot.  Wise move, mommy.

   However, to make up for not having any current pictures, I will russle up some completely random old ones, because everyone knows a blog post is not really a blog post without pictures. 

    Here we are, all fresh-faced and newlywed in our first "home", my parent's rental trailer in Iowa.  I truly wish we could have lived there longer....

 And here we are hanging out with the Rakows, and it is just so weird that we're all parents now.  We have a girl, Jocelyn, them, a boy, Eli.  Also, my feet look incredibly long.  I mean, they're always long, but just especially so in this picture.  Like, the length of my entire leg. 

 Here I am at a tea party in a fancy, pink, flowery hat (and gloves:) with my sisters-in-law and mother-in-law.  (L to R, Amy, Stephy, Bonnie, Jessi, me)  I just think more occasions in life should call for pink, flowery hats. 

 Ug.  Tired, no makeup, gross hair, but very cool tee.

 And this one is a great shot of Uncle Jeff taking a picture of us all getting Thanksgiving food....actually this picture has no point other than to show my zebra dress from Banana Republic, that I do not own a nice picture of me in, but I do love that dress! And I got it on sale.  Yesssss.

O.k. that's enough for now.  I need to go to bed.  More coming tomorrow!

    I know, I know, some major blog neglect going on again.  Seems to be happening more and more these days...

   Today started off great!  Jocelyn woke up hungry at 5:30, and instead of going back to sleep after the early morning feeding like she often does, she wanted to be awake.  I know what you're thinking. "Did she just say her morning started great?" But it did, folks, it did.   I propped her up on a pillow in bed with me and I got to have my devotions, right there in bed, with a happy baby beside me.   Now I don't know about you other moms, but often, my devotions are squeezed into little segments throughout a hectic day, or not squeezed in at all, and even though I know devotions don't have an "official time" that they should occur in, for some reason, having them in the morning just really starts your day off right.

   And the day continued to go well, and just be a good time in general.  I ran into town for a few groceries and Jocelyn did great.  I came home and Randy was already home early to catch some more of this March Madness all of us wives-of-basketball-savvy-husbands have come to know and love.  I suppose some wives would really become quite annoyed with their husband kicking back to indulge in game after game, but I'll be honest with you....I enjoy it.  And I'm not just saying that to say the things that a good wife is supposed to say, I really mean it.  I make him food, massage his neck, and encourage this avid basketball watching as if I was just as interested myself.

   And why shouldn't I?  I love having Randy home early, and I love watching him relax and enjoy something that is a passion of his.  And wouldn't we want the same treatment?  I mean, wouldn't we just love it if our husbands actually encouraged us to go shopping?  Buy things?  Get a massage, or do something nice for ourselves?  As a matter of fact, my husband does all of those things.  So in a way, I'm just returning the favor. :)

   Not to mention the fact that in my wedding vows, (which I think should be taken seriously, and not just sweet, romantic niceties that you say to each other at the altar)  I promised to make our house a happy home, and be his En-gedi.  If you aren't sure what that means, it basically means a peaceful, safe oasis, and if you want more info, look it up in the Bible.  And being all of that for my husband includes taking interest and sharing in his passions.  And really girls, it's not so bad if you just give it a try.  I guess I don't really understand when women talk about being "football widows" or complain about March Madness driving them mad.  It really can be fun if you give it a chance.

   And I don't do it just out of love, although that is reason enough.  I do it because really, he does so much for me! And he sacrifices too.  He has an annual tradition with his brother that holds a very special place in his heart---they road trip to some NCAA basketball games.  And this year, he is giving up that trip so that I won't have to be home alone with the baby.  I'm beginning to learn that a happy marriage is not about give and take, but rather give and give.

   Wow, wasn't even planning to go into any of that...anyway.  Whatever your husband/loved one's passions, join them!  You will end up enjoying it yourself, and just delighting in seeing them happy.  It's worth it.

  

   Sometimes I just feel like I can barely keep up with my blog.  And that's not the only thing.  I can barely keep up with my little girl, she's growing so much.  It kills me.  Am I enjoying every little moment enough?  Is it true that it will only seem like a few years until she's grown up and leaving home?  It feels like we're living in one giant hourglass and the sand is constantly slipping through my fingers and there's nothing I can do about it, except to try and savor the moments, and pray that it doesn't pass too quickly by. 

   This little lady just loves her daddy.  And finds him amusing.  Which makes two of us, on both counts.


   I am really looking forward to the day that we can sit on the couch in our pajamas, dig into a tub of cookie dough ice cream and paint our toenails while giggling and talking about life, boys, school, or whatever is happening in her life.  It will be a jolly good time and I will love it, but I desperately don't want it to come too soon!  I want her to be my little Joce (pronounced "Joss")  in sleepers and messy hair and big, innocent eyes as long as possible.  Each stage of life has its joys and charms, but just give me this one for a while, please....

See, this pictures is already quite old.  Can't keep up, I tell you....


Her fuzzy green mittens from Auntie Anna that she loves to wear on our chilly, winter walks! 

 Another older picture, in her swing, a.k.a. "Happy place". 

   O.k. I'm sure everyone thinks I post too many pictures of her and I should find something else in my life to talk/post/write about/take pictures of.  Maybe I could post about how I overuse ////'s.   The thing is, there are other things to talk about, there really are.  I could talk about my two different Bible studies, or working out, or married life and the fun things we do, like take spontaneous shopping trips out at the coast, etc.  There are a lot of things I could talk about, but for some reason when I sit down to post, I just want to talk about Joce.  And she is so fun to take pictures of.  So there you have it, no shame folks. 

   Oh, I thought of something else to post about!  I am getting into cooking these days.  I actually really, truly enjoy it.  Last week I even printed of a "weekly menu" form and wrote it a menu for the week's dinners!  Talk about something I NEVER thought I would do...and it was great!  Having a plan made it much easier to grocery shop, and having the ingredients on hand made it easy-peezy to make more interesting recipes, and making more interesting things made eating healthy more fun....and the list could go on and on.  It's a win-win situation.  So I neglected to get pictures of my meat loaf, carrot casserole, cheeseburger soup, triple corn muffins, and tuna-mushroom casserole, but I did snag a couple pics of the night I made asparagus ham rolls and a creamy, corn-thing.  I can't remember what it was called. 

The asparagus ham rolls exceeded expectations and we loved them! I would definitely make it again.  Oh and the next picture is what my dear husband made me for Valentine's dinner!  I know, I know, I'm so behind...


Steak, lobster, shrimp alfredo, steamed asparagus....it was delightful.  O.k. I need to shower because I worked out tonight (hey, blogging about something else!) and get to bed.  But ONE last picture.....


O.k. :)  Goodnight.

   Joce and I had a little practice session tonight....for everyone knows, it's never too early to train them up in the way they should go....


"Who.....me? Beautiful? In this ol' thang? Well...I just don't know....you think so?  Reeeally?"

"Aw shucks, you shouldn't flatter me so.  Just look at me, I'm blushin'.  You ol' sweet-talker you."

 *Gigglegigglegiggle* "Well I declare! I don't know where you come up with such things!  Aren't you just a piece o' good ol' fashioned CHARM!"

   "What the....have you lost yo' mind?! No I will certainly NOT accomp'ny you to the preschool picnic, and I'm gonna go fetch my Daddy to rassle you up some SENSE!"

Apparently, our little girl already has a distinct Southern accent, we can't figure out where she got it from....

  She endured getting all dressed up *outfit courtesy of Janene* so we could take pictures of her on the lovely quilt her "Aunties" gave her!  It's a new tradition amongst my group of girlfriends....in addition to presenting a newly dating or newlywed member with a plunger for "taking the plunge",  now we each complete a piece for a quilt for a new baby! A friendship quilt, I like to call it.  It is snuggly and warm, and filled with encouraging words! What more could you ask for?  I have a wonderful group of friends. 

   Not only did they create such a lovely keepsake quilt, but they also threw me a shower from across the miles, sending gifts for Jocelyn in the mail!  Getting mail is NEVER a bad thing, but these packages were especially dear, as they were hugs from my lovely friends far, far away from me.  It was a way for them to partake in my "journey" into motherhood in spite of the distance between us, and I hope to return the favor someday! These pictures are long over-due, as you can tell by the Christmas tree in the background...

  Thanks so much, Jewel-Heidi-Janene-Loretta-Lindsay-Sharon-Merlene.....I feel blessed to have such dear and thoughtful friends!  Jocelyn can't WAIT to meet you all!