Secret's out!

   There is a baby on the way.  I'm 14 weeks along and the little peanut's expected arrival is sometime in early September, which will make us a family of SIX.  Holy smokes. When did that happen?? I was a little nervous to tell people the news this time around.  And while some were definitely not overly enthusiastic, for the most part, people were excited and encouraging and it meant so much. I'm just glad people know now, and I can stop thinking about telling people.  It is so funny to me, the difference of announcing your first child vs. your second, third and fourth.  It progressively moves from outright joy and celebration and parties and showers and parades through main street......to surprise, shock, and even (sometimes) disdain.  But really.....can you blame us?  I mean, who WOULDN'T want another one just like these three?



   I won't get any more specific on the due date, because I am attempting to psych myself into thinking of my "due date" as a very vague, general, sense of a few weeks, rather than one specific day.  I have progressively gone farther overdue with each of my three children, totaling 20 days overdue in all, and I have learned by now that my gestational time is just on the longer end of "normal".  It just is.  That's all there is to it.

   We all know that pregnancy is estimated to last 40-42 weeks, but for some reason we all assume that we will fall into the 40-week category.  Well, that can't be true for everyone or the statistics would be different!  So.  I have learned, I have matured (I hope!) and I am determined to not go crazy in those last few weeks.  Wish me luck.

   In other news, the girls are THRILLED.  We are too, but I definitely have my moments of Mom guilt and okkkkkaaaaaay HOW am I going to do this again?  But we really are so thankful.  It is such a huge gift and blessing to be able to carry a life, and for the sake of the women out there that are LONGING to see those two lines on that positive pregnancy test, I could never allow myself to be ungrateful.  Each life is such a precious gift, regardless of gender, regardless of age spacing, regardless of even perfect health.  THEY ARE STILL A PRICELESS GIFT.

  The mom guilt is especially strong since I have basically stopped nursing William.  I felt like my milk started to go down in supply almost immediately after getting pregnant and he just never seemed to quite get enough.  And he didn't like formula, and so it wasn't until I started supplementing with goat's milk that he consistently slept through the night.  It's so funny because shortly before this all started to happen I was definitely getting tired of nursing and just sort of wanting to move on to the next stage, but then when it was taken out of my control, I really battled guilt and MISSING it.  But the important thing is that he is getting what he needs, and my baby is growing, and nothing else really matters.  All of my expectations of what mothers "should" do or be need to just take the back seat for awhile.  And it's been good for me.

   I am so excited to meet this little one, and if there's one thing really wonderful about having kids close together it is that the time tends to fly by, because you don't really have any free time to sit around waiting for baby to come.  When my girls were born 18 months apart, it was a HARD six months after Charlotte was born, but now it is the greatest thing ever.  My oldest two are inseparable and play like two peas in a pod all day long.  Some days I don't even hardly see them until lunch.

   The ironic part is, even though I really like them being close together, I thought that if we ever did that again, I would still want them close, but not THAT close.  Well.  These will be about 14 months apart, so that just goes to show me I guess.  :)

   God has been so good to us.  And I don't say that to mean, "He's given us babies so therefore, He has been good to us".  Because I know there are so many out there that aren't able to have children, and God is still good to them.  But I just want to be clear....regardless of what I "think I can handle" or what I "think I can do well", God has been so good to us.  Regardless of plans.  Regardless of timelines, or agendas, or schedules, or ideas, GOD IS SO GOOD.

I would've waited a little longer before our first one.
I would've avoided a Christmas birthday.
I would've chosen boys first.
I would've spaced them a little differently.

   For all the myriads of things I would've done differently, GOD alone knew what I needed.  He knew that I was scared of raising girls.  I was so intimidated at the thought of raising strong, graceful women in a society that sexualizes and demeans women.  I was sure that a house full of boys would be easier, less drama, more predictable.  But little did I know how I would stretch and grow and be challenged (and still am!) in my own womanhood by my daughters.  And it has been a beautiful thing.

   So yes, I secretly want another little boy.  I would be just TICKLED for William to have a baby brother.  But yes, I would be delighted with another girl as well.  With girls I feel like I'm raising up my very own sisterhood.  My squad. My besties.  And I can't WAIT to share the rest of my life with them all.

Either way, September is going to be exceptionally great this year.