I should be sleeping, not blogging.  But there's just so many things rattling around in my brain, I'm afraid it will be hard to sleep.  Randy doesn't have that problem.  That man can be having a conversation and snoring about 2 minutes apart from each other.  I've always envied that sort of calm, peaceful self-assurance that I think a person has to have to be able to fall asleep like that. ME on the other hand...I worry.  I lay there in bed, and I fret about something I did/said and shouldn't have, or something I should have but didn't.  I worry about the future, I worry about a current issue, I worry about people's opinions, you name it, I've probably worried about it.  And the weird part is, I don't think of myself as an insecure person.  I like to think that I live fairly confidantly in who I am in Christ, but there's just something about laying down to go to bed that gives everything else in this blessed universe the green light to rear it's ugly head and pester me.  Sigh.



    I wonder why we fear.  We know Who holds our future, we actually have a personal relationship with the Creator of the Universe, we know that fear will accomplish NOTHING, and yet...we fear.  Why?  Do we really think so much of ourselves to think that it matters? That it changes one jot or tittle in the scheme of our lives?  The only thing it does affect, is our state of mind.  Our attitude.  Our happiness.  And why do we so willingly throw that away for a small time of worry, when worry gets us nowhere anyway?  Once you figure it out, let me know, so I can learn how to stop.


   I'm feeling lately, like I am so far from the person I want to be.  I feel like I make so much headway and progress in my walk with Christ, and then some days it feels like I'm back to square one.  Or maybe even further.  Does anyone else ever feel that way?  Like you take two steps forward and one step back?  But it's not always like that.  Nooo.  Sometimes it's as if I've taken leaps and bounds until I realize one day that my feet are even touching the ground anymore, I am flying that high. And then something...it can be anything really...brings me crashing back down to sea level and I realize that, oh, yeah I am still selfish. I am stubborn.  I am jealous and judgmental and self-righteous.  I am all of these things that I see every day in other people and despise.


   I read a quote somewhere on the fabulous pinterest, that judging someone doesn't define them, it defines you.  And that has been both convicting and challenging.  I want to change.  I hate the judgment Christians impose on each other, and the self-righteous way we all think we're better than someone else, but aren't I doing that just by thinking about that?  When will it end?  When I judge people that judge people?  Obviously not.

All photos found here.
(You can find the links from my pinterest board.)