3 months old.

I found myself a little speechless as I took these photos.
 
  Approximately 18 months ago, I was taking pictures of a different little girl in this same lacy, ivory romper.  That little girl was Jocelyn.  And as I found myself staring into a very different pair of eyes but the same outfit and the same cradle built by their daddy, I had this strange sense of time swirling all about me, as if I'd been standing still the whole time.  As if the past year and a half as all been a blur, sweeping babies into my life at different times and growing them up before my eyes all the while I stay rooted in place.  And for a moment, it felt surreal, as if nothing had changed.

But I have changed. 

   I am not the same person I was a year ago, or the year before.  Motherhood is like an ever-present chisel, chipping away at my rough spots, peeling back layer after layer of stubborn selfishness, and slowly, painfully refining me.  I am so far from perfect, but I am learning.  I am growing.  And that is enough.

   Oh, I remember my firstborn.  The one with the olive skin and the mystery-color eyes and the wave after wave of mahogany hair.  And then there's my second child, second daughter.  The one with flawless skin the color of cream, a dusting of auburn atop her head and eyes like endless pools of sky blue.  I, being their mama, of course think they are the most exquisite creations and will make no apology for it.  As all mamas should.

         They don't only look different, but there are some differences in personality too.  Charlotte already seems more dramatic...a heady loud, strong cry compared to Jocelyn's meek little mewling cry.  But she also seems to have a more ready smile, so I think she will just be our little firecracker, adding spice to our lives.   I am so excited to see their personalities develop more and more.  They are two completely different, unique individuals, and I am so proud to call myself their mama.

   In moments of fatigue, frustration or discouragement, it is absolute gold when I come across words like I did on Clarita's blog the other day.  Here are some from an an unknown author...maybe it was an angel, because these words are just Heavenly.

   "There is no nobler career than that of motherhood at its best. There are no possibilities greater, and in no other sphere does failure bring more serious penalties. With what diligence then should she prepare herself for such a task.
   If the mechanic who is to work with "things" must study at technical school, if the doctor into whose skilled hands will be entrusted human lives must go through medical school... how much more should the mother who is fashioning the souls of the men and women of tomorrow, learn at the highest of all schools and from the Master-Sculptor Himself, God.
   To attempt this task, unprepared and untrained is tragic, and its results affect generations to come.
On the other hand there is no higher height to which humanity can attain than that of a converted, heaven-inspired, praying mother."

   Aren't those just beautiful thoughts?  They've been running through my head since I read them.  

    Lord, help me to always turn to You for the strength that I need, to be the mother that they deserve.  Help me to humble myself and run to You.  Allow me to be broken if I need to be, I do not want to ever get in the way of the things you have planned for them.  

~In your Son's precious name, Amen.