Jocelyn: "Is your hair ready for the party mama?"
Me: "Yeah, I think so."
Jocelyn: "But it's so crazy!"

Randy: "What can we do that shows that we love Jesus?"
Charlotte: ................................*thinks for a really long time*.........................................................
.................."Take a shower".



Things have been quiet around here again.

   And usually that's because life has been super crazy or willfully neglecting my blog, but this time it's been more of a result of contemplation.  (Well, that and a little craziness, let's be honest.)  I've been trying to really closely examine my motives in blogging, my heart in this whole thing, and what God would have for me in it all.

   Lately I've felt this insane amount of pressure....that I need to somehow "make it" in the blogging world or else all of this amounts to NOTHING.  That I need to compete, or at least try and keep up, with all of the other bloggers.  That I need to try and fit a mold...the successful kind, the on-trend kind, the gets-lots-of-traffic kind, or the kind that provides something that people need and are looking for.

   And while I certainly DO what to provide something that people need and are looking for, I'm just not sure if that is necessarily what I've thought it to be in the past.  I want this to be a place of refreshment and encouragement.  I want this to be a place that leaves you feeling uplifted, and bolstered in hope, courage, and strength in your own journey.

   There is far too much Pinterest-perfection and Instagram-idealism out there already, and if I'm just adding to the noise, than I need to stop.  Because that's not what I want for this space.

   If there has ever been anything that has flowed naturally from my heart and onto these pages, it has been sharing my heart.  Whether that's funny or sad or light or dark or a crazy combination of the entire realm of emotions, THAT has been what keeps me coming back here time and time again.  I want to encourage.  I want to share about what is on my mind and heart, and I want to document our lives as we find our way through it all.

  So while you may still see the occasional random post about fashion or links that I like, or maybe even a recipe once in a blue moon, the majority of what will be happening over here at Frame of Mind is just sharing whatever it is that is on my heart lately.

   And it takes the pressure off of myself to just lay out there what you can expect from Frame of Mind, and then just go and BE THAT.  I don't want to try and be anybody else, and while there are a million blogs out there right now who are absolutely nailing it at what they do, that's OK.  It doesn't mean that I need to be a carbon copy.  That's the beauty of diversity.  You can literally find a blog (or ten or more) to cater to every specific niche or desire.  And so I don't need to try and be whatever it is that I view as relevant, or successful, I just need to be me.


   I don't know if Frame of Mind will ever quite fit into a specific category, or if it will ever be as consistent and predictable as I'd like it to be.  But once again, that's o.k.  And what I CAN tell you is that, to the best of my ability, Frame of Mind will be real.  Authentic.  I will strive my hardest to keep things real and genuine over here, and not ever try to be something that I'm not.

    For example....this picture heavy post?  I know that's not popular.  I know it's not the model of a "successful blog post structure" to upload a billion photos and blather on and on about life.  And so I've really tried to steer clear of that in the past and keep things more streamlined and simple.  And sometimes that works out for me, and sometimes it just feels like I'm trying SO hard.


 I used to take oodles of pictures of my girls and realized only recently that I don't have hardly any current ones of them, and I think this is why!  I've been trying to move towards something in my blogging style that doesn't leave room for lots of pictures.  And it's all kind of sad to me, now that I think about it.  If that's what works for us and works for my writing aesthetic, than it's OK.  Even if it's not what the other popular blogs are doing.



   And so here I am with 15 more pictures than I should be posting, and 500 more words than is probably necessary, but it's what comes naturally and so I am learning to embrace it.

   We can really only be who we are.  Everyone else is already taken.  And it can feel so vulnerable trying to figure all of that out about yourself while blogging.  Because the transformation can't really take place behind closed doors, it's just all out there front and center, in front of everyone, critics and fans alike.


 But I'm relieved that over the past years of blogging I am learning more and more about what feels natural and right, and I know when I'm trying to be something I'm not.

   We're all on this journey together!  And if you choose to follow along with us as we live our lives over here on Frame of Mind, I'm humbled and honored.

   And now I'd love to hear from you!  What are some ways in which you're trying to be more authentic and genuine in your own life?  It's not an easy thing to do!  But I can't encourage you enough to be just that......YOU.

   O.k. so just so you know, nothing gets me more excited as a blogger than when people GET IT.  Nothing.

   When they get my point, get my sense of humor, get my crazy ramblings, get the drift, get the heart of it all.....just get it.  And when that happens, I do a little happy dance and want to blog forever.  Just so you know.

   So thanks and a giant, squeezy hug to all of you who left me love on that Authenticity post.  Kinda makes me want to revisit some of those life-giving words, so let's, shall we?  Here are some comments that prompted me to post about authenticity again today: (read the first post here)
 

What a beautiful quote! Thanks for this post! I was wondering if you could clarify the difference between authenticity, transparency, and intimacy. I would like to put this into practice, but I don't know what that looks like.

oh girl you nailed it! i wish i could have figured some of this out years ago!

WOW, I haven't finished reading this and it's the best post you've ever written (gush gush...) Please do write more on this. I'm copying that Beth Moore quote. I've heard about 'boundaries' so much--and knew I needed some!--but I was always afraid it would mean I couldn't be 'real.' Love dis!

Also, a pet peeve of mine is when bloggers (bizarrely it's a trait mainly just found in online bloggers) end up being ALL about 'authenticity' and 'realness' and 'honesty'... and leave it at that and don't have actual content! Like, "this is my dirty kitchen sink: just keepin' it real!" x 100.  This does NOT describe 'Frame of Mind', just to clarify! I wonder if other people have noticed this?

   O.k. so that last one made me laugh.  SOOOO true.  I cannot count the times I've read blogs or followed Instagrammers that make me wonder if a Superhero Stepford wife/robot (instead of actual human) is at the helm of all of that dizzying perfection, and then they do the whole "Here's me doing laundry, just keeping it real!" post and I'm all over here like......."THAT'S being real?!   Well now I'm for sure not showing anybody my 'real' because then you'll commit me to an institution."  

Just kidding.  Sort of. 

   And that second-to-last comment?  It was anonymous and I SO wish I could know who wrote that so I could give them a big fat thank-you for all the amazing things they said but mostly, for not being anonymous and MEAN!  This is a newsworthy moment here at Frame of Mind, folks!!  It's usually the no-namers that have the sharpest digs to jab.  Funny how that works.

   So anyway, I just want you to know (I've said this before) that I am like, the WORST in the world at replying to comments, but I read every single one!  And they mean a lot to me.  A lot.  And so every once in a while, I like to feature them in a post in my small little attempt at showing you all how much they really mean to me.  Because every time you leave a loving comment, you breathe life into me.  I feel like what I'm doing actually has a POINT.  And if you're a blogger, you understand how pointless all of it feels a huge percent of the time.  So thank you thank you thank you thank you.  

ANYWAY.  

   Getting onto the real point here, and discussing in further detail, authenticity and transparency and intimacy.  The first comment I listed was the one that spurred me on to writing more about it. It really got me thinking, and I realized I REALLY don't have all the answers.  So much of it is just a "learn-as-you-go" thing, but that can feel painfully slow.  So of course, I turned to the dictionary for a little help.

Authentic: 

   1. Not false or copied; genuine, real.

Transparent: 

   1. Open; frank; candid.

   2. Easily seen through, recognized, or detected.

   3. Having the property of transmitting rays of light through its substance so that bodies situated beyond or behind can be distinctly seen.

Intimate:

   1. Characterized by or involving warm friendship or a personally close or familiar association or feeling.

   2. Very private; closely personal.

  It's amazing to me how something as simple as reading the definitions of words can shed light on their meaning.  It makes sense, I guess that it would, but it just seems so elementary that it's easy to overlook.  

   And so without doing any further research than literally looking these words up in the dictionary, these are my humble conclusions:

   Being authentic is just what it sounds like.  You're not copying someone else, you're not putting up a false front to try and win people's approval, you're not being fake.  Period.  You are just genuine.  Real.  YOU.  So what if you don't know how to be authentic?  It's probably a result of not yet knowing who you are.  So I would suggest figuring that out first, and then authenticity will follow.  And please, please PLEASE do not embark on some Eat, Pray, Love journey to find yourself.  Go to God.  Get in the Word, and get on your knees, and you will find the answers you seek.

via

   Transparency always scared me a little, because I always think of it as the first two definitions I listed.  Open, frank, candid.  Always speaking her mind and spouting her mouth with little thought of what might come out before it does.  Easily seen through.  Wears her heart on her sleeve and THEN some.  Everyone she meets within a short period of time knows everything about her.  Open book.  All of that seems a little scary and intimidating, and so when you have a personality that tends toward transparency, what's a girl to do??!  

  But that's the beauty of that third definition.....I stopped and stared when I read it.  And I know it's not talking about a quality trait ok?  It's probably referring to a shower curtain.  But I think it's applicable, and so whether it is or not, that's where I'm going with this, so bear with me.:)  

   To me, it sounds like transparency in a healthy, balanced way, is letting the light of truth and Christ shine RIGHT THROUGH US so that when people look at us, they see Jesus.  No brick walls, no fenced in areas, no facades, and barricades, and blockages.   Just letting the light of Christ shine through.  And suddenly, transparency turns from a very scary thought into the most beautiful idea ever.

   And lastly, intimacy.  I was amazed that when I looked up the word, there were 6 definitions listed before it even mentioned amorous acts and sex.  What that says to me, is that there is a multitude of ways to be intimate without ever even entering the physical realm.  And that should be taken very, very seriously.  Why?  Because intimacy is PRIVATE.  CLOSELY PERSONAL.  And if you have a myriad of people in your intimate circle?  That doesn't sound private or close or personal anymore to me.  Or safe.

   And so once again, as a person with a  personality who tends towards intimacy almost immediately, that just means that sometimes I have to say no.  I have to say no to being warm and close and cozy with the secrets I share, the trusts I build, and the relationships I grow.  It doesn't mean I can't make friends.  It just means I don't have to be closely personal with everyone.

   And so if you're looking at this, wondering "How in the world am I ever going to find the balance I crave?"  I really really implore you to go to the Word.  Honestly, it will give you the wisdom you need.  If you're ever in a situation where you're unsure, pray right then and there for wisdom.  I know that I personally have a few situations I would pay good money to be able to go back to and NOT BE TRANSPARENT.  Not be open.  Not be frank or candid and keep my mouth tightly shut!!!  

   There are times I desperately with I wouldn't have been intimate.  Opening up my deepest feelings and emotions and heart and soul to people, only be trampled on and hurt.  

   There are times I even wish I wouldn't have to be authentic.  Because it would be easier to put up a false exterior or just copy someone else I admire more than I admire myself.  

But that's not an option.  

   That's where our handy dandy little saying comes in.....(Thanks Beth Moore!)

   We need to be authentic with everyone.  We owe that to people.  People do not want (or need) more copy-cats, imitators, or fakes.  We need authenticity.   So just say yes to being AUTHENTIC!

   With transparency, it isn't all it appears to be.  We don't have to be easily seen through, or read like a book.  Our emotions don't have to be on our sleeve all of the time, but neither does that mean we get to build the Great Wall of China around ourselves.  Aint no one got time for that.  We need to be beautifully transparent, letting the light of Christ shine through us.

   Intimacy.  Special.  Private.  CLOSE.  An honor and a privilege reserved for only our nearest and dearest of friendships.  Not to be handled lightly because it holds heavy, weighty value.  It hold great power to heal or to harm, to build up or to tear down, to encourage or to cause despair.  

   Whew, I hope this post in some, small way helped shed light on this issue!  All I know is that right now my brain is running in a million different directions in ways I could take this thing, but the clock is winding down on nap time and I need to wrap it up. 

   If you have any more questions I'd love (LOVE) to hear them! Please leave a comment, shoot me an email, whatever.  And by all means, I obviously don't have this all figured out.  I've stumbled all over the page on this one.  Trust me.  But I like to think that I'm growing and learning and I just want to share some of that with you.

Happy Monday.