My dearest Jocelyn,
Right now you're all about princess dresses and twirly skirts and braids in a crown. You beg to wear your fanciest clothes everywhere you go, and plead for your hair to be "just like mama". You ask to snuggle, to be held, to be comforted.
You love your doll babies with a fierce, mama love. You pamper them, fuss over them and make sure everything is just right in their world. I have to keep a close eye on you around real babies because sometimes you love on them a little too close for comfort.
I love to watch you as you sleep, your hair curling in soft tendrils and framing your face. You are the picture of peace...of tranquility. You are my angel-baby.
But all is not always so in your little world.
Sometimes you remind me that you are fully human. Like the other day when in a fit of toddler rage, you bit me. So hard it left a mark for days.
Those emotions...the ones so sweet and sensitive that have an enormous capacity to feel and to love...the ones that can swell with such joy and passion? Those same emotions can flame just as quickly with frustration and anger, lashing out to wound. It reminds me how often I react in a similar manner. Maybe not in a physical way, but just as painfully to those I love.
The only surprise, is that it surprises me. It seems society has taught mothers to expect their little ones to be perfect, resulting in shock or personal offense when their toddlers act out. Hence the term, the "terrible twos". Or "terribly threes". Or any phrase we can use as a pithy excuse for our children acting badly. And it all seems a little silly considering we all start out pretty terrible.
Why should it come as such a surprise when children begin to act as their very nature intends? Selfish, unreasonable, stubborn and indignant. We ALL begin this way. It is not a "stage" or a phase they need to outgrow.
They need to be shown how to love.
Taught how to forgive.
Encouraged to show compassion.
Led by example, how to be patient.
And while I am far from having it all figured out, I like to think that we are making progress. That we are learning and growing and figuring this all out together. I like to think about how innocent and precious and perfect you seem while you sleep, and reflect on the weighty glory of privilege I have to raise you.
To show you.
To teach you.
To encourage you.
To lead you.
So I will try my best, not to take offense when your human nature shows its colors. Because after all, I have a human nature that looks very much the same. And even though I will fail you, many, many times. I hope that you can give me grace, as I try to extend that grace right back, as we walk this journey together.
I love you in the morning and in the afternoon,
I love you in the evening, and underneath the moon....
-Mama
