The month of April is always a double-whammy for our little family with celebrating Randy's birthday and then our anniversary just 3 short days later.  And June will soon be that way too, with Charlotte's birthday on the 18th and this baby boy due (somewhere in the vicinity of) the 14th!

  So spring always comes roaring in for us and there are plenty of pleasant distractions until it is truly summer, which happens somewhere around the middle of July out here on the West coast.  We need to work on our timing though, because I like to spread out the goodness.  And with Jocelyn's birthday just days before Christmas, it kind of feels like we're always just lumping everything fun and exciting together.

   Oh well.  I think we've established by now that our timing does not always sync with what God has in mind. ;)

Tomorrow, it will be six years since that sunny spring day in April when we exchanged vows.

   Sometimes I think of it as the "wedding that wasn't supposed to happen".  And what I mean by that is, if it had been left up to our own fallen humanity, it wouldn't have happened.  But for the grace of God!  He orchestrated every moment leading up to that day, and continues to orchestrate still.

   For those of you who don't know our story, I will try to sum it up in the shortest way humanly possible.  Basically, we started dating quite young (I was 18, he was 19) and I still had a LOT of growing up to do.  He was always good and kind to me, I was not to him.  I was flighty, indecisive, and unsure of everything in my life.  I was easily distracted, fearful of commitment, and gave away my heart far too freely.  I made some bad decisions, and we broke up.  We spent the next 3 years going separate ways in life, traveling, meeting other people, and God teaching us both a LOT.  It seemed the door to our story was completely closed.  But God had other plans!  He brought us back together after all that turmoil and pain, and we married when I was 23, and Randy had just turned 25.

I am so grateful God didn't give up on us, and Randy didn't give up on me.

  I will never forget that magical day.  The bleak Iowa landscape was just beginning to wake itself from its winter hibernation of snow, sleet, and mud, and everything was brown and gray.  The sky was a brilliant blue, as if it were apologetically trying to make up for the sad state of everything else.  The sun shone warmly, the breeze blew softly, and all was quiet and calm.

   But it's not always over silly little surface things.  Sometimes it's much, much, much bigger and deeper than that.  Dark, inner wrestlings with doubt and fear and wondering if you will ever be free from the battle.

The Enemy doesn't want us to have strong marriages.
He doesn't want us to have a legacy to leave to our families.
He doesn't want us to find victory over temptation.
He doesn't want us to live in freedom.
He doesn't want us to keep our vows.
He doesn't want us to remain faithful.
He doesn't want us to honor, love, submit and respect.

   He is fully and wholly devoted to tear down, kill and destroy.  And he unleashes himself with full fury and power on a Godly marriage.  Because if a Godly marriage can fail and crumble, a testimony to the grace and power of God fails and crumbles right along with it!

   And so each anniversary, whether it is a "milestone" number or not, is a pretty BIG DEAL.  It is a testament, not to our own strength or determination or skill, but to God's faithfulness.  His mercy.  His grace.  His provision.  His love.  And with each passing year of marriage, you are adding brick and mortar to that altar, that emblem of what God has done and is continuing to do in your lives together.

What an incredible, incredible thing.

Happy 6 years love.  I pray for many, many more. 

 

   O.k. I lied.  ONE more Hawaiian post because I totally forgot to even address the teensy tinsy topic of leaving your kids behind.  *Gasp*

   I know that for some of you, reading that first line is reason enough to raise your hackles and make your reach for your pitchforks......while for others of you, that first line makes you want to pat me on the back and say, "You go, mama!"

   I wish I could look across to the other side of this screen and decipher which one you are.....but alas, I cannot, and so I will just carry on with my one-sided conversation, and hopefully you will share some of your thoughts in the comment section.  I'd love to hear them.

   First things first, don't be fooled.  Just because I leave my kids to go on trips with my husband, doesn't mean that it's EASY for me.

   I thought about them every day in Hawaii.  I would stop and think to myself,  right in the middle of another perfect day, "Oh they would just love this so much!"  and ache for them to be there.  I would resist the urge to hug stranger's children.   I tried to keep my texts/calls home to a minimum but I wanted to know how they were doing ALL THE TIME.  Before we left I wrapped up little gifts for them to open each day, with messages written on the paper about how much we loved and missed them.......I knew they would be having a non-stop party with their Grandma, but that didn't mean I wouldn't miss them like crazy.

And I did.


   And once again, I know that for some of you, these feelings would not be signs of healthy attachment to my children, but they would be symptoms of guilt.  Proof somehow, that I was doing something wrong.  That I had made the wrong choice.

   On the 4th when we were waiting for the fireworks to begin, we were sitting on the lawn next to a young couple with two sweet little girls.  I couldn't help myself and commented on them, saying I was missing mine back at home.  The mother replied, "Oh yes, I suppose the fireworks might be a little scary for little ones."  And I said, "Oh, actually I meant back HOME home, like, back in Oregon."  To which she seemed surprised and replied, "Oh.....I don't think I could ever do that."

*crickets*

   It was so awkward.  We'd met like, 7 seconds ago and were exchanging smiles and hi-how-are-yous and judgment.  Which I suppose is o.k.....it IS a free country and all (hence the fireworks)  but I guess I would just be way too intimidated to pass out parenting advice to someone after having met them, oh I don't know, 7 seconds ago?!  And you know, it wasn't even the fact that she disagreed with me.  Because that's OK. Really it is.  I know lots and lots of women that disagree with what I did and would never leave their children to go on a trip to Hawaii with their husband.  And that's o.k.

But it's OK for me to do it, too.

   And since when did we decide that if we have a particular stance on a issue, it then needs to become upheld by everyone else?  This applies to soooooo many things when it comes to motherhood I could literally lose track counting.

Vaccinations
Schooling options
Breastfeeding
Natural childbirth
Spanking
Working moms
Safety
Food
Scheduling

   And about a million other things.  Why can't we just all help one another out and encourage each other when we're feeling down and look out for one another?  Why don't we choose to raise our pitchforks when we see abused or abandoned or aborted children, and put them down when we see amazing women all around us sincerely trying their very hardest to be the best wife/mother they can be?  Why don't we love a little more, and judge a little less?

   I know this, because I used to be more of a pitchfork-waving mom.  Certain topics would only have to be whispered about and I would feel my blood start to boil and it would be all I could do to keep from launching into battle. I like to think that I have come a long way from that mom today.  I like to think that I extend grace a little more often.  Or at least I really, truly try to.

   So why do I leave my kids?  Because my husband and I became a family on the day we exchanged vows.....NOT on the day that I saw those two pink little lines on that pregnancy test.  We were ALREADY a family.  Children joined our family, but they didn't make us a family.  If children had made us a family, then our family would disappear on the day that our children are grown and out of the house.  And sadly, in our culture today, that happens way too often.

   It is JUST AS IMPORTANT  to take time for your "original family" as it is to take time for your "growing family".  Taking time as a couple to reconnect, focus on one another and invest in one another is priceless.  And for some reason, it has gotten a pretty bad rep.  It has been titled "neglect" and "selfishness" and lots of other ugly things, just because you are temporarily leaving your children to devote your time and energy and attention to the foundation of your marriage, and the foundation of your family.  

   But even as important as I believe it to be to have alone time together as a couple, I need to extend grace to couples who choose not to do that.  And I will try.  But the road runs both ways, sister, and so you also need to extend grace to the couples who choose differently.

I love my kids.

   I'll shout it from the mountaintops, I'll proclaim it across the seas.  I love my kids so much.  TOO much, to let them become the utmost and topmost priority in my life, shutting out all others.  Too much to let them replace my husband.  Since I love them so much, I will try to love my husband even more. Because what they need to know and see and hear more than anything else, is that Jesus loves them, Daddy loves Mama, and Mama loves Daddy.

That is what they need to know.

   And they need to know it, not in a vague, theoretical way, but they need to KNOW it.  Deep down to the core of their being they need to feel it in their gut, without ever even being taught, that their parents love each other, and will never leave each other.

Nothing will give them greater security.
Nothing will bring them more peace.
Nothing will make them feel more loved.

   And so yes, I love my kids, and I leave my kids.  I promise them that I will come back, and I do. And NOTHING beats the feeling of that heart-in-your-throat, salty-teared moment when they run into your arms again.

    Believe me, I cherish our times all together as a family more and more each passing day (like our camping trip this past weekend).  But I have found that in our times alone as a couple, we acquire a deeper connection and understanding and knowledge of one another, that can't just be "picked up" when the kids are out of the house one day.  It is cultivated, nurtured and grown, just like children are.

   And you're right....children grow like weeds and I don't want to miss a single moment of it!!  But neither do I want to neglect the growth of my marriage until we find ourselves many years later,  mere strangers in an empty house.

   And so, my dear warrior-mamas everywhere, let's put down the pitchforks, and give a little grace today.