The life within

8:52 AM

Yesterday I heard my baby's heart beating. Nothing fancy, nothing more than a "whoosh-whoosh" sound, but it was music. Midwife said everything looks normal and healthy, and I couldn't be more thankful!

I really ought to be getting ready for work, but I'd rather sit and daydream about my baby, as if that would somehow will it to come faster. Funny how my whole life I worried that when the day came that I would be a mom, I would dread staying home and feel caged in, penned up. Now that the day has come, all I can do is think about my new life with this little one, and what an adventure it will be. I can hardly wait!

I think of this life inside me, and I wonder...what will he/she become? Every person on this earth, from the President, to the missionary, to the murderer, to the homeless man, started out as a powder-fresh newborn. Full of life, hope, potential. What makes the difference? Well I certainly hope the difference won't lie entirely within my, or Randy's parenting abilities. No, I choose to believe it lies within a much Higher Power, with Someone who knows this life better than I ever will, and loves them more fiercely than even I can. It's Jesus that will save my child, not me, not my efforts, not my skills or lack thereof.

I will fail. I am human, do the math. But I am rejoicing today that those failures will not determine the fate of my child, or their destiny. Somehow, God is wonderful and merciful enough to use me in spite of my failures. To look at my life and see it for all of it's ugliness and flaws, and say, "I want her to be a mother."

I am overwhelmed at His grace. And baby, I cannot wait to meet you.

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6 comments

  1. this is so sweet. :) I am soooooooooo happy for you, Shelley! You will be a GREAT mommy!

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  2. and I cant wait to meet this dear precious child.

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  3. Isn't it grand?! you said midwife...are you planning home birth, hospital, or birth center?

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  5. Beka-thanks! I need to be reminded of that. :)
    Janene- and baby can't wait to meet you!
    Laura-Yes, the new birth center in Springfield. I am excited!

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  6. Way to go on the birth center. My babe was born at a birth center last November...loved the setting! Very relaxing. Hope everything goes well for you!

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