Ranting and raving.
10:29 PM I want to, I really do. I want to vent and swear, and say all sorts of unpleasantries. But that wouldn't really be the Christian thing to do now, would it? So of course I won't, because of my proper Christian upbringing.
But that doesn't change the fact that I want to.
The fact of the matter is, I'm surprised. Shocked, really, at some people. Or let's just say humankind in general right now. Just how self-absorbed, insensitive, and cold they can be. I think I'm losing my grace. Slowly but surely, the innocent, Pollyanna-like ability to see the GOOD in people is being sucked out of me, and I'm left with a bitter, shriveled up lump where my optimism used to be.
Let's get one thing straight, I know I'm not perfect. I mean, who are we kidding? Nobody is. I have many flaws, and they are much more glaringly familiar to me than anyone else, so I’m not sure why people feel the need to bring them to my attention. I’m working on these flaws, and have been for the past several years. So could you cut a girl some slack?
It doesn't help that recently I was criticized (albeit very gently) by someone very dear to me who has never ever said anything like that before. I'll never forget the slow-motion, sinking sensation of an overwhelming sense of defeat. Not that what the person said was so bad, or life-threatening, because it wasn't. But that's not the point. It was the feeling of, "No...not them TOO." And the following feeling of, "Who's left? *Who on the face of this earth has seen things they don’t like/agree with, but has left them unsaid?" Meanwhile, I know I'm not perfect, (we've already established that) and so it will never end. Correction, it will end when I reach Heaven and Jesus takes me into His arms and loves me wholly and completely, flaws and all, but not before then. Because I will always meet someone new who doesn’t know me and thinks I’m something real cute and special until they find out all the things they don’t like about me, and feel free to point them out.
Oh well. I suppose there’s some sort of lesson for me to learn in all of this, but sometimes it doesn’t feel like a learning experience, it just feels like a crummy old well that I’ve fallen into, and no one is there to help me out.
*The one exception would be my husband, as he is one of the rare individuals that I feel knows all of me, the lovely and the ugly, and accepts it all.
4 comments
Don't we need "very gentle criticisms" to help us see where we're wrong? No, it's not fun, but isn't it necessary?
ReplyDelete-Hans
Yes, we do need that Hans, but I think the Holy Spirit does a pretty good job of that already, without our help.
ReplyDeleteI have no idea what the manner of "offense" was that brought about this post, but as far as "correction" or "very gentle criticism" goes, what about the verses in Matthew 18:15, "...if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone; and if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother..." Again, maybe this is completely out of context. If it is, delete my comment! Obviously you didn't "trespass against" someone. I too struggle with criticism. But aren't we supposed to challenge each other?
ReplyDeleteI just went through something similar when I was trying to do something good. My flaws were very slyly pointed out to me, and I was dismissed from the task I had been doing. And let me tell you it was not a good feeling. I was then reminded of the only thing I can do with critizism. Lay my pride aside and try to fix things that need fixing and ignore things that don't. It was hard but the Lord is helping me to do this. It is very frustrating when you hear so much more discouraging then encouraging from the people around you. Especially, if your primary love language is words of affirmation. I believe that critisms or rather correction has it's place as hard as it is to bear. But it must be first balanced by so much more encouragement. One word of discouragement needs about ten of encouragement. Anyway, I hope you may be encouraged by my scatterbrained comment :-) know that none of us are perfect! I personally am liking what I'm seeing in your life and how you are continually growing in the Lord and allowing Him to use you! Keep it up and don't let anyone discourage you from that ultimate purpose.
ReplyDelete--LaDonna