Brand New.

Fresh.
Clean slate.
Blank canvas.

   These are some words that describe the way a new year always feels to me.  Almost like that brand new leather journal that you spend more money on than you should ever spend on paper, and then you're almost too afraid to write anything in it because it's just too new.  Too perfect.  Too much potential for error because let's be honest, chances are, there's no mistakes yet.  IMAGINE.  A year with no mistakes.  No hurtful words.  No greed, doubt, jealousy, impatience, anger, hatred or bitterness.  O.k. so maybe there have already been a few of those.  But do you give up?  Crumple it up and throw it away? Or do you resign yourself to make TODAY THE DAY OF CHANGE, whether or not it's the 1st, or the 2nd, or an entirely different date? 

   That is one of my resolutions.  To press on and keep on pressing on, in spite of my short-comings and failures.  True to my nature, I did not uphold two of my New Year's Resolutions on January 1st.  Reading the Bible and exercising.  (I know, real original)  Big. Fat. Failure.  BUT...I didn't let it end there.  I gathered my resolve on today, the 2nd, and I did them.  And I'm determined to stick with them, and the others that I have made.  But the point is not that you did it on every single calendar day so that you can check them off in neat little rows and pat yourself on the back. 

No.

   The point is that you endeavor to get up, no matter how many times you fall.  Or that you drag yourself to the mirror and say "You are loved.  You are a daughter of the King." when that is the last thing in the world you feel like saying.  That is the point of New Year's Resolutions.  At least, that is the point for me.  Because it is not about performance.  It is not about how perfect we can be.  Because let's face it, before the clock ever even struck 12:00, we had soiled 2012 by just being us.  By breathing.  We're human.  So embrace it, brush the dirt off of your knees, or forehead, or wherever you hit the ground last, and keep going.  Just keep going.

   Well, I certainly wasn't planning on saying all that!  It just sort of came out.  Moving on to other things....I am blown away and touched deeply and sincerely grateful for all the comments and feedback I've gotten lately.  I know I don't reply to each and every comment and I'm hoping to get better at that, but at this point I just haven't figured out the handiest way to do that...do people even check back on blog posts to see if the person responded to their comment?  Would they ever find it? Should I just "reply" to comments in a next post?  Or on facebook?  Or....I just haven't figured it out.  But please know that each and every time you leave me a comment, you make my world a little bit brighter.  And I really mean that.  Sometimes it is exactly the precise thing I needed to hear, at that moment. 

   I think especially of the "Green Monster" post about envy.  I debated posting it, and even asked my husband in an email (as we were 2,000 miles apart at the time) if he would read it and whether or not he thought I should post it.  He did, and said I should.  In a very encouraging, affirming, loving way.  Ladies, this whole submission thing isn't just about sacrifice, sometimes it's the very wind beneath your wings that you need, and wouldn't have had if you hadn't asked/submitted/etc.  I have no idea if that made sense or not, but anyway, I love my husband.  Moving on.
    The point is, I got a lot of feedback from that post that also seem to affirm that writing it was a good idea, and was in some way encouraging to people, and that makes it all worth it.  So if you've commented on that and I haven't replied, thank-you.  I'm so glad it meant something to you.

   Another one of my resolutions is to blog more consistently.  Like I said, I'm not sure exactly what that will look like, but for now, I'll just try and make sure there's more than there have been in the past.  I need to post on Jocelyn's birthday, her 12 month pictures, and Christmas, but I'm just not sure when all of that will happen.

   If you didn't gather from the last post, yes we are expecting baby #2 in June.  I am getting more and more excited.:)  This blogger has always been fun to follow, but especially now as she has a darling little girl 2 months younger than Jocelyn, and they are also expecting their 2nd in June.  So I feel a strange sort of kinship with this woman I've never met, that is walking down a similar path of life to mine.  I would love to meet her someday.....

 

   Aren't they just ridiculously adorable? Yeah I thought so too.  Find her over here for more ooey gooey mushy sweetness. 

   And, since I have really been slacking in the picture department, a few from Instagram....

  You can see by the first two pictures that I am loving doing my hair that way these days...I'll probably over-use it and get sick of it like I tend to do when I find a new hairstyle that I like, but this one just makes me feel like I stepped right out of the 20s, and that is never a bad thing.  (Thank-you, Pinterest!)

   The last picture is of Joce and 1st cousin Xavier, and I just LOVED watching these two together.  He was so gentle, kind and perfectly charming with her, and she just adored him.  Plus, they are about exactly the age gap that our two littles will be, and so it was kind of like watching the Ghost of Christmas Future, except instead of a scary ghoulish being it was two adorable mini people being adorable with each other and gave me something to very much look forward to.

   I am looking forward to this year.  I will not make the claim that THAT is how I have felt at every moment.  But it is my position now, and I'm excited.  I think that there will be challenges and struggle, but there will also be growth and accomplishment.  I am truly excited to the point of giddiness about some of my dreams/hopes/ambitions, and I'm starting to think less about what all is stopping me.  It's ridiculous. 


We have one life to live.

One.  

   Why should I sit around a waste it on reminding myself of all the things I just can't do, and just exactly how I can't do them?  It's ludacris.  And this is the year I stop doing that.  And dare to dream. 

Goodnight everyone.  Tomorrow is another day.