One of those days.

8:52 PM

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   I'm really not sure what to write.  I'm afraid anything I would say right now would be fairly pessimistic, or discouraging, or just plain depressing. 

It was just one of those days.

   The kind that started out bad, got worse, got really bad BEFORE it got worse, and then tapered off to a basically miserable.  Am I alone?  Do any of you have those days? 

If I'm not alone, and you have had those days, then you know what kind I'm talking about. 

   It's the kind that makes you worry, fear, doubt, and basically question everything about your life.  Not in any particular order, but things like:

  • Was I right in what I said?
  • Were they wrong?
  • Did they know what I meant?
  • Does anyone (other than Randy) really GET me?
  • Am I heard?
  • Do I matter?
  • Is my life worthwhile?
  • Am I seen?
  • Do I have an irreplaceable role to play?
  • Did we have a baby too soon?
  • Did we get to be "newlyweds" enough?
  • Are we having kids too close together?
  • Will I be able to do this whole mom-of-two thing?
  • Will I lose myself in being "Mom"?
  • Will I ever get to accomplish some of my dreams?
  • Will I ever see those places I want to see?
  • When my life comes to an end, will it feel fulfilled?
  • Will my children be friends? 
  • Will they be friends with me?
  • Do I even know what I want?
  • Do I want the right things?
  • Am I too scared of failure to dream?
  • Will I turn into the very person I avoid becoming?
  • Will I ever become who I want to be?
  • Will I even know if/when I have?
  • Who does God want me to be?
  • Will Randy and I lose ourselves in the "American dream"?
  • Is there something we're overlooking and shouldn't be?
  • Are our priorities right?
  • Will my children rise one day and call me blessed?
   As you can see, this could go on and on and on, so I will stop.  I don't know the answers to these questions, and I don't know if I ever will.  Part of me hates to even write them down, because then of course that makes me look like I don't have it all together, and we all know how much we hate that.  No one wants to make themselves vulnerable, and that's precisely what voicing thoughts like these does.  It leaves me wide open.  You can analyze, criticize, theorize, and basically do anything you want with them.  That's scary.  But sometimes it feels like the alternative is keeping it all inside until something explodes, and so I guess it's worth a try.


Tomorrow is a new day.

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6 comments

  1. God Bless you Shelley. You hang in there. Days like these are what molds us into the great creations GOD wants us to be! You are blessed and loved by MANY! :)

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  2. I think if we are honest we all have days like that and personally I could identify with many of those worries, questions. Take hope you have the best answer and His name is Jesus, and though things probably won't or aren't perfect in your life know that He will give you the strength. Love your honesty! Keep it up!
    LaDonna

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  3. girrrl, I know just how you feel. just started following your blog and, though i've never met you, i'm certain if we ever had the chance, we'd have plenty to talk about! Recently I'm learning to listen to those days as a call to go to God. It's tempting to fill it up with so many other things, but He's the only one who promised to give you water from a well that will never run dry. Go to God sister and write a post about how He showed up! I'm noticing personally it's good to put it out there but then to follow up with either how God is bringing us through it or something i'm grateful for, otherwise it feels like i'm an easy target for the devil to get the best of me. Praying that God is already meeting the needs of your heart today!

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  4. I ask myself the "american dream" and the "will my kids call me blessed" q's about once a week. Many of your other questions. . . daily. ;) You aren't alone.

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  5. Thinking of you, sweet Shelley. I think we all ask these questions at different times and think that is part of LIFE. God blessings to you... may He bring you the peace only HE can give.

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