And then, thanks to our ladies'  Bible study at church, I stumbled upon this fabulous quote by Beth Moore which I am since claiming for my blog's mission statement:


   I've spent a whole lot of time in my life (too much wasted, wasted time) trying to be all three of those things to EVERYONE.  For as long as I can remember, I never just wanted to "be friends" with someone.

I wanted to be their kindred spirit.
To know all their secrets.
And tell them mine.
To be their shoulder to cry on.
And their closest confidant.
I wanted to be inseparable.
Anne Shirley and Diana Berry.
Cut from the same cloth.
Two peas in a pod.

   The problem was, I wanted to be this to....well, everyone.  Boys, girls, whoever and whenever, I just wanted everyone to like me.  And not just like me, but like, WE ARE BESTIES like me.

   And I can hardly believe that it took me 29 long years to realize just how ridiculous that is.  Even Jesus had an inner circle.  Everyone with half a brain knows that boundaries are healthy and NECESSARY for one to retain their sanity, but I just didn't think any of that applied to me.

   I've always felt the deepest, most driving force to be authentic.  I can remember as a child feeling like I needed to tell everyone everything and never hold anything back.  I needed to wear my emotions on my sleeve and put everything about myself on display because if I didn't, I wasn't be REAL. I wasn't being true.  I wasn't being me.

   And as burdensome as that personality trait is, I can honestly say that I'm thankful for it, because I truly feel that it has come from God and it is what makes me who I am today.  It has brought pain into my life, but it has also brought beauty and precious relationships and I never want to not be authentic.  It's who I am and it's what makes me me, and I never want to change that.


But I'm finally (FINALLY) discovering the truth and the beauty of that simple phrase:

Authenticity with all, Transparency with most, Intimacy with some. 

   You see, that had never occurred to me before.  In my wild and desperate aching to be REAL, I didn't realize that I also get to choose.

I get to select the secrets I share.
I get to carefully choose the shoulders I cry on.
I get to determine where and when and with whom I will let those innermost walls down.

   And just because I have a relationship or a friendship, does not automatically mean I have to also be continually transparent or intimate.  Authentic? Yes.  I want to be that to everyone.  Always.

   But my mistake for so many years was not stopping to even dream that there is a difference between authenticity and transparency and intimacy.  I thought they all blended together into one, powerful, force and so if I was feeling one, I needed to feel it all, all at once, right now, THIS MINUTE.

   And so my relationships would hurtle with meteor speed into intimacy because I just felt that raw hunger to be authentic.  Transparent.  Real.  And trust was gained and lost, friendships were built and crumbled, and hearts were broken.

   I hope that this new mantra can carry over into everything I do over here at Frame of Mind.  I am just sort of stumbling my way through this as I grow, trying to learn what it means to be authentic and real without filleting myself open on a cutting board for the world to dissect every time.   And I hope you can be gracious, dear reader, as you follow along with me while I learn.

Because at my best and at my worst, I just want to be REAL.