The month of April is always a double-whammy for our little family with celebrating Randy's birthday and then our anniversary just 3 short days later.  And June will soon be that way too, with Charlotte's birthday on the 18th and this baby boy due (somewhere in the vicinity of) the 14th!

  So spring always comes roaring in for us and there are plenty of pleasant distractions until it is truly summer, which happens somewhere around the middle of July out here on the West coast.  We need to work on our timing though, because I like to spread out the goodness.  And with Jocelyn's birthday just days before Christmas, it kind of feels like we're always just lumping everything fun and exciting together.

   Oh well.  I think we've established by now that our timing does not always sync with what God has in mind. ;)

Tomorrow, it will be six years since that sunny spring day in April when we exchanged vows.

   Sometimes I think of it as the "wedding that wasn't supposed to happen".  And what I mean by that is, if it had been left up to our own fallen humanity, it wouldn't have happened.  But for the grace of God!  He orchestrated every moment leading up to that day, and continues to orchestrate still.

   For those of you who don't know our story, I will try to sum it up in the shortest way humanly possible.  Basically, we started dating quite young (I was 18, he was 19) and I still had a LOT of growing up to do.  He was always good and kind to me, I was not to him.  I was flighty, indecisive, and unsure of everything in my life.  I was easily distracted, fearful of commitment, and gave away my heart far too freely.  I made some bad decisions, and we broke up.  We spent the next 3 years going separate ways in life, traveling, meeting other people, and God teaching us both a LOT.  It seemed the door to our story was completely closed.  But God had other plans!  He brought us back together after all that turmoil and pain, and we married when I was 23, and Randy had just turned 25.

I am so grateful God didn't give up on us, and Randy didn't give up on me.

  I will never forget that magical day.  The bleak Iowa landscape was just beginning to wake itself from its winter hibernation of snow, sleet, and mud, and everything was brown and gray.  The sky was a brilliant blue, as if it were apologetically trying to make up for the sad state of everything else.  The sun shone warmly, the breeze blew softly, and all was quiet and calm.

   But it's not always over silly little surface things.  Sometimes it's much, much, much bigger and deeper than that.  Dark, inner wrestlings with doubt and fear and wondering if you will ever be free from the battle.

The Enemy doesn't want us to have strong marriages.
He doesn't want us to have a legacy to leave to our families.
He doesn't want us to find victory over temptation.
He doesn't want us to live in freedom.
He doesn't want us to keep our vows.
He doesn't want us to remain faithful.
He doesn't want us to honor, love, submit and respect.

   He is fully and wholly devoted to tear down, kill and destroy.  And he unleashes himself with full fury and power on a Godly marriage.  Because if a Godly marriage can fail and crumble, a testimony to the grace and power of God fails and crumbles right along with it!

   And so each anniversary, whether it is a "milestone" number or not, is a pretty BIG DEAL.  It is a testament, not to our own strength or determination or skill, but to God's faithfulness.  His mercy.  His grace.  His provision.  His love.  And with each passing year of marriage, you are adding brick and mortar to that altar, that emblem of what God has done and is continuing to do in your lives together.

What an incredible, incredible thing.

Happy 6 years love.  I pray for many, many more. 

Today, let's talk about something that everyone, everywhere, at some point in their lives, deals with.

Friendship.

   Specifically, being a friend, having friends, keeping friends, losing friends, and nurturing friendships.  You've all seen this saying floating all over Pinterest,  "Comparison is the thief of joy".  Well that is all good and true but I want to make one that says "Comparison is the serial killer of friendships."  

   Not quite the same ring to it?  Whatevs.  The point remains.  Comparison, jealousy, and insecurity murder friendships.  Annihilate them.

   I can trace back a large amount of the rifts and tears and bumps and bruises in my friendships to insecurity.  Either mine, or theirs, or both of ours.  I can think specifically of one friendship right now that has grown distant and cold, largely due to my own insecurity.  I just never feel good enough around her.  Like I could never compare, or measure up.  And so that insecurity builds a wall between us, brick by brick right in front of my eyes, and it makes me so sad, but I feel helpless to change it.

  I can think of another friendship that has never really managed to get off the ground much at all, once again due to my own pile of insecurities.  She is the epitome of feminine grace, sweet disposition, and nurturing gentleness.  And I just feel so....opposite whenever I'm around her.  I feel loud and clunky and opinionated and wild and boisterous and just.....too much.  And so my own insecurity stifles what could be a great friendship between two very different personalities.

   I KNOW what you're thinking.  Shelley?  The extrovert? The outgoing one who quickly makes new friends?  How could she be insecure in friendships? But if I've said it once I've said it a 1,000 times....we deal with insecurity just as much as anyone else.  Maybe even more.  We just know how to hide it better.

   But before I get too far here, I think you need to drop everything and head on over here and check out this video on Friendship, by the Girls with Glasses.  And let it just marinate with you for a minute that if these women (who are completely amazing and creative and warm and friendly and incredible) can struggle with finding a healthy balance in their friendships, then you my friend, are certainly not alone.

I love all of their points:

1. Don't Gossip.
2. Be Helpful.
3. Don't Judge.
4. Forgive.
5. Rejoice with those who rejoice.

   And I also really loved what Brooke said in the beginning about not only trying to make good friends, but learning how to be a good friend.   Because I think sometimes we're all a little bit too concerned about everyone else needing to be a good friend to us, without stopping to think about how we could be a good friend to them.  It takes time, work, energy and effort, and it doesn't come easily.  Sometimes it is giving when you'd rather receive.  Sometimes it is listening when you'd rather unload.  But if you want to have good friends you need to be a good friend.  It really is as simple as that.

    Oh, and the rejoicing with those who rejoice?!  I cannot emphasize that enough!  Boy howdy is it hard to be happy for that girl who gets the promotion, the new house, the husband, the baby, the fancy car, the vacation, the National bestseller, the fur coat, whatever.  It's hard.  Duh, we all know that.

  But you still need to do it!  And this is not just another Pinterest cliche, or something the Girls with Glasses thought up.  It's in the Bible.  God thought of it first.  We need to rejoice with those who rejoice.  Be happy for others when something good comes their way.  Don't be jealous, don't begrudge them, don't feel sorry for yourself.  Just rejoice with them!  And then one day maybe others will do the same for you.

   But coming back around to my original point, I wish they would have elaborated more on comparison in friendship.  (Which they didn't, probably because they have a whole other video about comparison!  Check it out!!! I'll save my thoughts on that for another entire post:)

   And I wish I could say I've discovered some mystical elixir or magic bullet that has eliminated all of its ugly root systems from my life, but unfortunately, insecurity remains.  It rears its ugly head at the most inopportune moments, sometimes causing me to act in a way I very much regret later or make words come spilling out that leave me frantically grabbing at the air trying to stuff them all back in.  But the fact unfortunately remains, it is fatal to friendships.

  So what to do?  Well, other than the points already listed and mentioned, I would say the biggest, most profound, and yet unconsidered vaccination against comparison, is finding your security and your identity in Jesus Christ.  I even had a friend recently tell me that when she is having her quiet time with God consistently, these other friendship struggles seem to become just a little bit smaller.

And it just makes perfect sense, doesn't it?

   That when we are trying to find security in our own accomplishments, or in other people's opinions of us, or in something else of our flesh, we will be left disappointed and disillusioned and defeated every time.  Because we don't have what it takes, in and of ourselves.  We aren't perfect.  We are flawed.  But when we are finding our identity in Christ, we are able to then love ourselves and love others.

   And obviously it's SUPER difficult to be a good friend when you don't even feel like a very good person.  And that's precisely what insecurity does.  It's conceived in comparison, matured in jealousy, and produces insecurity.  And then it begins to spread its roots and poison farther and farther into all of our relationships and friendships until we're not even sure we like ourselves anymore.

BUT.....(thank goodness there's a 'but')

Greater is He that is in us than He that is in the world.  

   We are made in His image.  In Him, we live and move and have our being.  We were not a mistake.  Our days are written in His book.  We are fearfully and wonderfully made.  He is the complete expression of love, and it is His desire to lavish love on us. His plan for our future has always been filled with hope.  His thoughts of us are countless as the sand on the seashore and He rejoices over us with singing.  If we seek Him, we WILL find Him.  

And He is able to do more than we could possibly imagine.  



 

 

   We've officially entered that time of the year where pictures of pumpkin patches periodically pop up all over Pinterest, Facebook, Instagram, and of course, blogs.  So, being the slave to trends that I am (not) I had to follow suit.

   The real story is, I invited sis-in-law Jessi to go with me because.... pumpkin patches are fun, our kids would love it, (not to mention the photo ops of adorable aforementioned littles) and it's always fun to catch up with her.  The end.  So, that's what we did yesterday.  And what a perfect day for it too!  Seriously, this weather is killing me.  In a good way.

   Moody, contemplative fog shrouding the ground in the morning, only to burn off later to clear, sunny, blue skies and warm afternoons.  Never stop! Winter, please take a seat until your number is called.  And let's hope it's the DMV doing the calling, because we all know how long that will take.

So without further ado, the pumpkin patch.  (And also some musings my brain has had lately.)


    I mentioned in a post some time ago that Jocelyn has taken to saying "a bit" after a lot of her questions/requests.

"Can I watch a show...a bit?"
"Can I play more....a bit?"
"Go to the car....in a bit?"

   I just thought this was pretty cute, and then I realized it's because I say it a lot more than I think I do.  And then I started to notice some other things.  Like the fact that even though we're married and Randy knows me better than anyone else, he had never noticed that about me before.  And another thing I realized is that obviously, Jocelyn didn't even notice she was picking something up from me.


Also, I didn't know I was teaching anything.  Because I wasn't teaching.  I was just BEING.

   But whatever the circumstances, I was just being me, and Jocelyn was just loving me and observing me, and Randy was a third-party to the whole thing, and it got me thinking.....

It's a lot like us, God, and the people around us.


  Bear with me here, it all makes sense in my head, but I have no clue if I'll be able to explain it or not.  Here goes.....

   If we could approach our relationship to God a little bit more like Jocelyn approaches her relationship to me, things would be a lot easier.  She doesn't have a list of expectations for what/who she wants me to be, she doesn't have a list of questions of why I do the things I do or say the things I say, she just soaks it all in like a dried up little sponge begging for a drop of water.  She just spends time with me.  Observes me.  Lives out her life in a close enough proximity to me that she starts replicating characteristics of me before she or I have any idea of what's going on.




   Likewise, the people around us (like Randy in my story) would be able to learn new things about the character of God, just by witnessing them in us.

Oh, THAT'S what it looks like to be a servant!
Oh, THAT'S how much He loves us!
Oh, THAT'S what it means to forgive!


 Even if they too had a close relationship with God already (like Randy has with me) it would still be possible to learn new things about Him, and realize new aspects to what makes Him uniquely God by the characteristics that would begin to manifest themselves in the lives of people who live SO CLOSELY in communion with Him, they begin to really, truly imitate Him.

  Did that make sense?  I certainly hope so, because it sure did in my head.  Anyway.  It is AMAZING how often the way our children imitate us makes me think of that.  That just like my girls watch my every move and already know how to put on makeup and unlock an iPhone just my observing and absorbing me...in the same way I should be so close to God that I begin to copy His characteristics without even really understanding what I am doing. 


  I think that's what it actually MEANS to be salt and light.  It's hard to try and "set out to be salt and light".  Just how do you DO that, exactly?  But if we ARE salt and light.....now that's completely different.  Suddenly it's not something we do, it's something we ARE.  And doesn't that feel completely different too?  Like a light is finally coming on (pun intended) and the cobwebs are cleared away and it all starts to make sense.



  Maybe that's why it's so hard in the first place.  Because all this time we've been focused on DOING instead of BEING.

Thanks, Jocelyn, for reminding me that you're not the only one learning around here.

   And thank-you Jesus for loving me enough to keep teaching me.  For not leaving me where I sit, but taking me further, deeper, closer to You.  

 P.S. The photo credit for the pic of me and the girls and a happy Madison goes to Jessi.  Photo credit for the scenic shot on an angle goes to Charlotte.  That's right, Charlotte.

Also, knowing that this post was only TWO FALLS ago, makes me feel a little bit panicky and weepy inside.