It's finally happening.

   Ever since we found out we were having another baby girl when I was pregnant with Charlotte, I've dreamed of this moment.  Of unprompted, spontaneous, love and genuine friendship between my two girls.

   The other day I came upon them playing like this and Jocelyn was singing the "I like you just the way you are" song from Daniel Tiger to Charlotte, while putting her arm around her, kissing her, and hugging her close.  It was one of those moments when your heart lodges in your throat and you want to freeze it for all of eternity.  And not logged away deep in the recesses of your mind-files but within reach, so at any moment you can snatch it back from history and replay it over and over.

Anne Shirley and Diana Berry.
Sherlock and Watson.
Elsa and Anna.
Pooh and Piglet.
Tom and Huck.

   I just want them to be buddies, ya know?  Obviously, they're sisters.  They're already part of each other's lives and worlds and families for life, whether they want to be or not.  But I just want them to WANT that.  I want them to desire to grow closer.  To want to know each other better and deeper and more intimately than they did they day before.  I don't want them to just accept the fact that they are family, I want them to want more.  I want them to want a relationship.

I want them to share secrets.
Make each other laugh.
Get each other's jokes and try to understand each other's weird idiosyncrasies.

   I want them to be each other's biggest fan, protector, confidant, and friend.  And all the while I'm dreaming of this, I know that it isn't guaranteed.  Life remains a mystery and sometimes people born to the same parents are two very different people.  Different personalities, different tastes, different thoughts, different lives.

And that's OK.

   But my hope and prayer for them is that they can somehow manage to cultivate a special friendship in SPITE of their differences.  I'm not asking them to be the same.  I'm asking them to love each other all the while being different from each other.

   It's already so obvious to me that they were not made from a mold.  They have differences and unique quality traits and characteristics, and it's so fascinating to me to watch their little personalities unfold.  I hope that I never squander that, discourage that, or compare them with one another.

I hope I let them be uniquely them, and I hope they offer the same grace to each other.

Today, let's talk about something that everyone, everywhere, at some point in their lives, deals with.

Friendship.

   Specifically, being a friend, having friends, keeping friends, losing friends, and nurturing friendships.  You've all seen this saying floating all over Pinterest,  "Comparison is the thief of joy".  Well that is all good and true but I want to make one that says "Comparison is the serial killer of friendships."  

   Not quite the same ring to it?  Whatevs.  The point remains.  Comparison, jealousy, and insecurity murder friendships.  Annihilate them.

   I can trace back a large amount of the rifts and tears and bumps and bruises in my friendships to insecurity.  Either mine, or theirs, or both of ours.  I can think specifically of one friendship right now that has grown distant and cold, largely due to my own insecurity.  I just never feel good enough around her.  Like I could never compare, or measure up.  And so that insecurity builds a wall between us, brick by brick right in front of my eyes, and it makes me so sad, but I feel helpless to change it.

  I can think of another friendship that has never really managed to get off the ground much at all, once again due to my own pile of insecurities.  She is the epitome of feminine grace, sweet disposition, and nurturing gentleness.  And I just feel so....opposite whenever I'm around her.  I feel loud and clunky and opinionated and wild and boisterous and just.....too much.  And so my own insecurity stifles what could be a great friendship between two very different personalities.

   I KNOW what you're thinking.  Shelley?  The extrovert? The outgoing one who quickly makes new friends?  How could she be insecure in friendships? But if I've said it once I've said it a 1,000 times....we deal with insecurity just as much as anyone else.  Maybe even more.  We just know how to hide it better.

   But before I get too far here, I think you need to drop everything and head on over here and check out this video on Friendship, by the Girls with Glasses.  And let it just marinate with you for a minute that if these women (who are completely amazing and creative and warm and friendly and incredible) can struggle with finding a healthy balance in their friendships, then you my friend, are certainly not alone.

I love all of their points:

1. Don't Gossip.
2. Be Helpful.
3. Don't Judge.
4. Forgive.
5. Rejoice with those who rejoice.

   And I also really loved what Brooke said in the beginning about not only trying to make good friends, but learning how to be a good friend.   Because I think sometimes we're all a little bit too concerned about everyone else needing to be a good friend to us, without stopping to think about how we could be a good friend to them.  It takes time, work, energy and effort, and it doesn't come easily.  Sometimes it is giving when you'd rather receive.  Sometimes it is listening when you'd rather unload.  But if you want to have good friends you need to be a good friend.  It really is as simple as that.

    Oh, and the rejoicing with those who rejoice?!  I cannot emphasize that enough!  Boy howdy is it hard to be happy for that girl who gets the promotion, the new house, the husband, the baby, the fancy car, the vacation, the National bestseller, the fur coat, whatever.  It's hard.  Duh, we all know that.

  But you still need to do it!  And this is not just another Pinterest cliche, or something the Girls with Glasses thought up.  It's in the Bible.  God thought of it first.  We need to rejoice with those who rejoice.  Be happy for others when something good comes their way.  Don't be jealous, don't begrudge them, don't feel sorry for yourself.  Just rejoice with them!  And then one day maybe others will do the same for you.

   But coming back around to my original point, I wish they would have elaborated more on comparison in friendship.  (Which they didn't, probably because they have a whole other video about comparison!  Check it out!!! I'll save my thoughts on that for another entire post:)

   And I wish I could say I've discovered some mystical elixir or magic bullet that has eliminated all of its ugly root systems from my life, but unfortunately, insecurity remains.  It rears its ugly head at the most inopportune moments, sometimes causing me to act in a way I very much regret later or make words come spilling out that leave me frantically grabbing at the air trying to stuff them all back in.  But the fact unfortunately remains, it is fatal to friendships.

  So what to do?  Well, other than the points already listed and mentioned, I would say the biggest, most profound, and yet unconsidered vaccination against comparison, is finding your security and your identity in Jesus Christ.  I even had a friend recently tell me that when she is having her quiet time with God consistently, these other friendship struggles seem to become just a little bit smaller.

And it just makes perfect sense, doesn't it?

   That when we are trying to find security in our own accomplishments, or in other people's opinions of us, or in something else of our flesh, we will be left disappointed and disillusioned and defeated every time.  Because we don't have what it takes, in and of ourselves.  We aren't perfect.  We are flawed.  But when we are finding our identity in Christ, we are able to then love ourselves and love others.

   And obviously it's SUPER difficult to be a good friend when you don't even feel like a very good person.  And that's precisely what insecurity does.  It's conceived in comparison, matured in jealousy, and produces insecurity.  And then it begins to spread its roots and poison farther and farther into all of our relationships and friendships until we're not even sure we like ourselves anymore.

BUT.....(thank goodness there's a 'but')

Greater is He that is in us than He that is in the world.  

   We are made in His image.  In Him, we live and move and have our being.  We were not a mistake.  Our days are written in His book.  We are fearfully and wonderfully made.  He is the complete expression of love, and it is His desire to lavish love on us. His plan for our future has always been filled with hope.  His thoughts of us are countless as the sand on the seashore and He rejoices over us with singing.  If we seek Him, we WILL find Him.  

And He is able to do more than we could possibly imagine.  



 

 

   One of the many blessings of being a part of our church family is being able to raise our children with so many other young families.  There are babies and toddlers and little ones EVERYwhere.  And I am so grateful I don't have to walk these trenches of parenthood alone.

   During the summer our ladies' Bible study takes a break, which is always a sad day for me.  I miss the fellowship, the iron sharpening iron, and the time spent together.  But thankfully, we do a play day once a week until Bible study resumes in the fall.  Of course summer can get crazy and I don't always make it, but when I do, I never regret that I did.  Plus then Jocelyn gets her fill of holding little babies which basically makes her entire week.



   It seems as I get older, I learn more and more what it means to be a "church family".  Growing up, I took church family for granted.  I was born and raised at one church.  My parents never "church-hopped" or "church-shopped" and I had roots that went far and deep and wide at Sunnyside Mennonite church.  And so never knowing anything different, I sort of took it all for granted.




   I took for granted the camaraderie that comes with knowing people over years and years.  The kind of fellowship that only happens once you've laughed together, cried together, been embarrassed together, and humbled together.

   That quiet confidence that no matter what, no matter when....there were people that would be there for you.  Help you, uphold you, pray for you, encourage you, strengthen you.  That there is an entire network that is essentially designed to be strong where you are weak.  To pool everyone's talents and giftings until the Body as a whole is stronger than a single person ever could be.



   I love the sense of purpose in a church family.  That we are all choosing to worship together, raise our families together, drive each Sunday to just be in the same place as each other as we walk closer and closer to God.

   Where did I hear this quote??  I can't remember so please, someone who knows, give the person credit!  I think it was a blogger friend that said, "We're just all walking each other home."

And I think that's beautiful.




   I feel lucky to be where we are.  Blessed that God led us where He did.  And I don't want to take it for granted.  I want to give and help and serve where and when I can, and be thankful for the church family that I have.  For the people God has placed within my small little world.






   What are you thankful about in your church family?  What are some ways you could show that you're grateful for them?  I'd love to hear about it!