"Every child born into the world is a new thought of God, an ever fresh and radiant possibility."  -K.D.W.

   My little Jocelyn is three months old.  I can hardly believe how fast it's flown by!  But of course that is a tired cliche, and has been said a thousand times before.  Cliche or not, I feel like I have grown more, learned more, felt more, and experienced more, in the last three months, than quite possibly my entire life.  Is that possible, or is it hormones?  In any case, here are some things I've learned:

• As far as labor is concerned, the human body is capable of the most amazing, incredible things.  The fact that we can actually endure that level of pain without shattering makes me sort of morbidly curious as to what it would take to cause a person to die of pain, and nothing else.  You know, with everything else working just fine--heart, brain, lungs, etc.  No other problem whatsoever, except pain.  I'm just sort of curious as to when the body would say, "Enough!" and die.   

• You can admire, adore, and like babies, even think you love a few.  But nothing can prepare you--not the sappy, sweet books, movies, or songs, not even other people's experiences--for the cascading, overflowing, stampeding emotions of fierce love you will have for your OWN child.  There is nothing on this earth like experiencing it first-hand, for the first time. 

• My parents really DID know a thing or two. :)  It's amazing how suddenly, the sacrifices they made for me seem so astounding.  And it's also funny how I do not even want to entertain the idea of Jocelyn marrying someone 2,000 miles away from me, even though that is exactly what I did.  

• It is very true that life changes after children, but I think it is a  complete myth that marriage has to suffer.  I think Jocelyn has brought Randy and I even closer together.

• I honestly expected the whole "new mommy" thing to be worse.  I expected to want to get away, and just CRAVE breaks from her, every day.  I thought I'd go stir-crazy being home all the time.  I thought I'd miss my B.C. identity (Before Child) and grow tired of the new "mommy" me.  It's just not that way at all.  Don't get me wrong, it is nice when Randy takes her for a walk or a drive and I have some alone time of peace and quiet, but I think about her, and miss her, and it's always a little sad to see her go. 

• The "new body" won't ruin your life.  Don't get me wrong, I can't wait until all the baby fat is gone, but when I look at myself in the mirror (on my good days) there is a profound sense of accomplishment.  When I think of the changes I went through in order to give life to this child, and how some women's bodies aren't able to go through those changes, I start to change my view of those changes as an obstacle or trial, into a privilege, or even blessing. 

   All in all, having a baby WILL change you.  There is just no way around that, unless you are not from the planet I'm from.   Physically, emotionally, spiritually, mentally, it will change you.  It will change you to your very core, ready or not.  It will change the way you perceive things, the way you feel.  It will change the way you look at life, the way you want to live.  It will change what inspires you, what gives you hope, what drives you, what gives you courage.  It would be easier to say what it won't change, and that would be very, very little. 
   
But really, would you want it any other way? 

   Where would you be if you'd never changed?  That whiny, selfish toddler? That rebellious, irresponsible teenager?  That brooding, moody 20-something?  Thank-you Lord for change!  And thank-you Jocelyn, for changing me in more ways that you'll ever know.  

Happy 3-month milestone love, can't wait to see many more.