First things first, these pictures are a bit deceptive.

   They make it look like I am dutifully bathing and loving on and watching my girlies today. So in interest of full disclosure, they are at their Grandma's house for the ever-wonderful, Grandma day.  So that means that so far today, I have helped Randy a bit with some bookwork at the mill, did a little shopping, enjoyed a little massage, and now I'm squeezing in a little blogging.  It's a rough, rough life I tell you.



   My sweet, sweet, little honey babes.  There are things I want to never, ever forget about them, just the way that they are rightnowthisverymoment.  I want to bottle it up and tuck it away into a dusty box on a high shelf so that when I am wrinkled and gray I can take down that box, dust off the lid, and open it up to the smells, tastes, and feel of them.

   It breaks my heart that some things can't be saved.  Sure, we've got pictures.  We've got video.  We've even got that bronzing/gold plated stuff you can cement their little shoes in.  You can ink their  footprints,  tape locks of curls in their baby books (guilty) and save the outfits they came home in.

    But the things that you can't hold on to, or keep forever, are some of the things I like the most, and that just breaks my heart into tiny pieces.

   I love the way Jocelyn wraps her arms around my neck.  I love her "certain smile", and it's the one that she almost NEVER shows a camera.  I also love how randomly, throughout the day, with no warning or apparent reason she says, "Jesus!"  and "Hi, mommy."  Just driving along in the car, or playing with dolls....."Jesus!" Eating a snack,  going for a walk in the stroller....."Jesus!"  I like to think that she is in a way worshiping him with her joy and her innocence and her delight in the small things, and it reminds me to do the same. And those 'hi-Mommies' always come at times that I need them.

   I love how it feels when she blows raspberries on my stomach.  If you ever wonder why your kids go into hysterics and giggles when you do that to them, just wait until they give one to you!  It makes so much sense....

   Charlotte does something when she wants to be picked up that is so endearing, it doesn't matter how full my arms are or how busy I am, I am forced by her sheer sweetness to drop what I'm doing and pick her up.  Really it's not spectacular, it's just a combination of stretching her arms up as high as she can (while sitting on the ground) and making an imploring face and even more imploring whimpers....and yes, I know a million kids do that, but I'm not kidding you, it's precious.

    She also has the most kissable neck in the universe.  I get her up from her naps and it's like, all the way through the room and down the stairs and into the next room I'm just kissing her cheek, head, ear, neck and cannot get enough of it.  It has just the right amount of chub and softness and baby scent and it's positively delicious.

    Speaking of kissing necks, you know you've been cooking with too much oil when your husband comes home from work, kisses you, and murmurs, "Mmm, you smell like the Scandinavian Festival."

   I love their legs.  JUST the way they are right now.  Jocelyn's are stretching and growing like reeds and are starting to have that "I-don't-wanna-be-a-toddler-I-wanna-be-a-big-kid" look to them, but they're still clumsy and hesitant at times and take those stutter steps going up and down the stairs.  Charlotte's are mirror images of Jocelyn's at that age.  And she's still not walking on her own, so she takes these wide, barrel-legged  stomps that gulp at the air when I try to help her.

   I love how sometimes, when she's really in earnest, Jocelyn will take your face in her hands so that you for sure look at her and hear what she's saying.  Mostly she does this to Randy.  And mostly it melts his heart.

I love how.....Jocelyn calls popsicles motorcycles.

How she takes my camera and walks around pointing at objects and saying "Say cheese!"

How she beams when her songs come on in the car.

How Charlotte dances, her knees bouncing her up and down fiercely.

How Charlotte feels all snuggled up and sleeping beside me.

   How she's starting to "pretend jabber" and will do that often, as if she really has quite a story to tell and can't wait to learn language to tell it.

   Mostly I love how they teach me things every, single day.  I make so many mistakes.  Sometimes I feel like the weakest, most flawed mother a child could have.  We mothers are generally pretty hard on ourselves.  Drill seargants, really.

   But I like to think that in those days down the road, when I can't pull out the box of the smell, taste or feel of them, I can remember.  I can have all of those dusty boxes locked deep down in my heart somewhere, a place only a mother has the room for.  And I can dig them up, and experience some of those kisses and cuddles and long silly, bubble baths all over again................