Things have been a little quiet around the blog lately.

   Which of course is always a complete opposite representation of what is going on in real life.  The busier life gets = the quieter the blog.  And that's o.k.

   Mom was out here the past four days and we helped my sister's family move.  We also got together a lot and so of course there were meals to be made and laundry to be done and little girls that never got naps and seemed perpetually at odds with the world.

    I started babysitting for someone from church two days a week and cleaning the mill where Randy works to make a little extra money.  So suddenly 3 of my normally "not-so-busy" days are now busy.  And it is good, and I am thankful for the opportunities, but it sure makes the week fill up fast, and this belly just keep right on growing and demanding its own resources of time and energy too.

   But perhaps the most exhausting of all, has not been the dishes or the mopping or the folding of clothes or pregnancy aches and pains and settling toddler disputes....rather it has been feeling completely drained in that unique way that has nothing to do with busy schedules and pregnancy but everything to do with a deeper weariness.
A heaviness of heart and mind.
Soul-drained.

  Lately it feels as if I have been losing an uphill battle against legalism and judgment and a spirit of criticism, and nothing knocks me flat on my face faster than feeling like the enemy always, always gets the last word.

   Words fly like arrows, piercing the strongest shields and burrowing deep....hitting their mark and leaving their scars.  And I wish I could say that I am only ever the victim, and never the bowman, but unfortunately that wouldn't be true either.

  And this wild notion and inconceivable concept of grace and forgiveness and unconditional love sounds so glorious on paper but feels so impossible in reality.  We hear a sermon that moves us and read Truth that stirs us and we nod our heads and say, "Yes, Jesus, yes. Without love we are nothing."

And then we step foot out our front doors and set forth on a war path, leaving bodies in our wake.

   When will it end?  When will it be enough?  When will there have been enough debate, judgment, condemnation and reproach?  When can it just be finished?

Vindicate me, O God, and defend my cause against an ungodly people, from the deceitful and unjust man deliver me!
For you are the God in whom I take refuge; why have you rejected me? 
Why do I go about mourning because of the oppression of the enemy? 
Send out your light and your truth; let them lead me; 
let them bring me to your holy hill and to your dwelling! 
Then I will go to the altar of God, to God my exceeding joy, and I will praise you with the lyre, O God, my God. 
Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? 
Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God.

 -psalm 43 



 
 

   Well...when my brain is empty and I don't have anything to post about there is one place that I always turn….so that brings us (of course) to happenings lately on Instagram…..


   A quiet spot in my morning after a most turbulent night….Jesus calling is a delightful little devotional that at times seems like it was written for me.  No one else, just for me.


   I mean seriously….rehearsing our troubles?  That is SO me.  When really, all along we were only meant to experience them once.  No WONDER we feel too weak to handle all that comes our way.


   I love that these two share a room, (not a bed, but a room. Jocelyn just likes to climb in there and tease little sis) but we are going to have to change things up for nap time.  There's a little bit too much of this going on these days, and not enough sleeping…..


Is there anything sexier than a man in the kitchen?  Didn't think so.


What…you don't wash your feet while you brush your teeth at your house too?  You're missing out.


   That absurdly annoying phenomenon when your hair decides to look nicer 10 seconds before you go to bed then it ever does in public.  Why?!?!  Also, that moment when you realize that you match your shower curtain…..

   A rare sunshiny moment meant, of course, some time outside at the park.  My sis-in-law used to live JUST across the street from this park.  And now that we're close by, they aren't here anymore!  Sometimes life is just not fair.


    I've never really liked grapefruit until I discovered this little gem….stick it in the oven and broil for a few minutes until it's all steamy and hot and sweet-smelling.  Then sprinkle with a little brown sugar and enjoy!  DELISH.


  FINALLY got to see the darling little Gibson Davis today.  And he is a cutie, just like his big brother Grayson.  It is so fun to be raising little ones the same time as our friends….Barney & Nikki's two boys are almost the same space apart as our girls (17 months and ours are 18).  Even though we are at slightly different stages.  I so CLEARLY remember when Charlotte was born, and seeing little Grayson planting sloppy kisses on little brother's head made me remember just HOW little Jocelyn really was when her little sister arrived….I truly had two babies.  It makes me so sad to think that I probably forced Jocelyn to grow up a little faster than I should have….needing her to be more independent than she was.   I so hope I cherished that time enough…..but how exactly does one "cherish each time" or "savor the moment" or "carpe diem" when one is SURVIVING??!

So dear Nikki, don't ask me for advice. I'm not sure that I have any.

   As is with anything else in life, I am learning more and more that we're all just making it up as we go along.  It is best to stay flexible, bendable, and moldable.  That way you can move to fit whatever shape life throws at you.  As for the people that seem to have an answer for everything imaginable, and every little last piece of the puzzle all figured out??  Well THOSE are the ones I'm most worried for.  Because those are the ones who get completely flummoxed when things don't go as previously thought, or as PLANNED.  Those are the ones that don't know how to improvise, a.k.a "wing it" which is a valuable skill that has come in handy for me countless times. I've found that things don't nearly as often "not go as planned" if you don't have a plan!  Hahaha.

So that's my advice.  Don't have a plan.  Know a God who has a plan.

   I may be smart or I may be crazy, but at least I know better than to rely on my own strength!  We'd all be in a heap of trouble then.  Well, that's all for now, folks.  Hope you're having a terrific Tuesday!

P.S. I JUST remembered that I never followed up on that "mommy bloggers who inspire me" post.  We don't plan around here, remember? Tune in for that another time!