Wasn't it just yesterday?

10:17 PM

   Wasn't it just yesterday that we didn't know her?  Wasn't it just yesterday that she was "just" a life in the womb, silent and unknown, growing and waiting, and we knew so very little about her?


Seems it was just yesterday that we were independent, coming and going as we pleased, and taking care of ourselves, and only ourselves.  Loving being "the two of us".


   It was only yesterday that I had NO idea how much a tiny hand could hold such a strong grip on my heart, how the simplest smile could open up my entire world to a love I hadn't even imagined...


   Wasn't it just yesterday that we had no clue of what lie in store for us?  Oh, we knew a baby was coming, but we couldn't begin to fathom how much she would flood our lives with joy, with delight, with adoration.


It was only yesterday that we thought our hearts were as full as hearts could be.

...and we thought each other were all that we really needed.

We couldn't imagine it any other way.

   Wasn't it just yesterday that I felt that life moving inside of me, and thought I couldn't wait to hold her then?

When now, if I couldn't hold her another day, my heart would shatter into a million pieces.

   Wasn't it just yesterday.....no, it was two months ago.  Exactly two months ago today, Jocelyn entered our lives.  How is that even possible that it's only been two months?  Do any of you remember what you were doing two months ago?  I'm sure it doesn't seem very long ago, and yet in two months, your world can change so drastically it's as if certain parts of you didn't exist before, and yet always were.

And yes, I'm completely aware that my words make very little sense.

   But there are parts of me that were born WITH Jocelyn, and will remain the same, until the day I die.  A fierce protectiveness, a tender, aching love, a desperate hope and longing for her future.  Feelings I can't put words to one day, feelings that scare me the next.

   What if she won't love me like I love her?  What if she won't care?  I need her in so many ways.  I want to be best friends with her, and yet I know that there are just going to be rough times, maybe rough years.  Sometimes I love her so much it hurts.

And it was only two months ago.......
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6 comments

  1. It was only yesterday I gave birth to Amanda Olivia, and it was 1 year ago Saturday( seems like yesterday) that her Daddy walked her down the aisle so that she could start her own little family :)

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  2. I understand completely. Such a beautiful post, Shelley! Tristan will be 18 months! 18 MONTHS! I remember looking at the size of 18 month clothing and just thinking... I will never get there!

    Here we are. I can't believe it!

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  3. Such a beautiful heartfelt post Shelley! Yes, time does fly so enjoy every minute you can!

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  4. Shelley, I LOVE reading your blog! You do such a beautiful job writing down your feelings! I loved this post so much. Jocelyn is so blessed to have you as her mother!

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  5. I have goose-bumps, Shell. What a thought-provoking post. Great stuff. Annnnnd I got her birth announcement in the mail, much to my excitement. Thanks so much!! It is PRECious, and she is even more precious!!! :) I just know you're a great mommy to her. :) Love ya!
    Linz

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  6. Bless you ladies, for the encouraging words! I'm always honored when I discover that people do read this blog...

    Thanks again!

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